mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
