I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
