yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
