I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
