You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
