o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
