I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
