The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
