I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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