he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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