i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
