They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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