My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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