I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
