he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
