Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
