He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
