i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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