we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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