This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
