so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
