Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
