Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
