32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
