I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
