The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
