Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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