i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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