i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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