Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
