I heard we made out
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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