I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
