I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
