I was born with a shot glass in my hand
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
