he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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