We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
