I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
