I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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