I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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