Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
