I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
