If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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