Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
