i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
