Welp...herpes.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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