she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
