So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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