I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
