but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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