i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
