I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
