Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
