ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
