I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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